The Red Hot Vixen


man walked into a bar…He had six other people with him, and he knew that the bar had an upstairs room, but it was off limits on this night. The group of men had a dilemma: Either chill downstairs with all the orange people, or go somewhere else; they decided to stay.

In the corner of the bar stood a red hot vixen with a big secret. How did these men know she had a secret? Well, the secret was written on her face. Also on her face was a ton of blue cheese; she was eating chicken wings. The woman was wearing yellow rain boots, a pink poke-a-dot skirt and 17 V-neck shirts all layered on top of one another. One man from the group approached the red hot vixen and asked why she was wearing 17 shirts. She said nothing. “Are you hot?” he asked her. She still said nothing. The man pointed to his six friends across the bar and she tightly grabbed his hand and walked over to the group.

Suddenly, the men started ripping all the layers of shirts off of the woman until there was one shirt left. Ultimately, the red hot vixen took her final shirt off and swung it around her head while yelling loudly to the music playing over the speakers. “Who wants to ride??” she asked the men. One man raised his hand and she took his neck by her shirt and threw him onto the soft couch in the bar. She straddled him vigorously, slapping his chest while taking off her bra, which exposed her breasts. Everyone else in the bar now paid full attention to the red hot vixen, and the bartender approached her with a letter, handing her the letter that said, “Please stop, this is a professional establishment, not a fucking circus.”

To the bartenders dismay, an angry tiger exploded out of the restroom and bit his neck. The bartender lay bleeding to death as the tiger ran off and the red hot vixen continued to ride the man, topless. The six other men saw a fireman in an elephant suit walk into the bar, but they were reminded of the fact that they were tripping on LSD; it was nothing they thought.

Then, “Riders In The Storm” played in the bar, the red hot vixen stopped riding their friend, and they never spoke of it again…

— Jordan J. Michael



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